1.  I want to dye my hair white.

2.  Going to the beach is strange:
a. Humans on a beach from above would look very similar to ants on an ant hill.
b. Sea gulls are completely reliant on human charity, have extremely creepy eyes, and only allow us to live because they are too small to successfully win an all-out war.

3. Retail therapy really does help.

4. I have low-class taste in alcoholic beverages.

5. This summer is not really a summer, but a space-time continuum.
a. Time has no meaning.
b. The rays of the sun cannot reach the earth.
c. Even when I move, I feel that I am standing still.

6. Going to someone’s myspace is like them saying, “Hey, welcome to my house (space), let’s listen to some music, do you like how I decorated?”  Whereas viewing someone’s facebook is like looking through a thousand page book of someone’s photos from their youth.

7. I can no longer discuss religion with most people.

8.  Hot sauce is delicious and not spicy and I wish that people would learn to name things in a way that is indicative of their actual properties so that I would not waste twenty years of my life without the pleasure of this delightfully tangy sauce.